Cat’s Urgent Notice: Buy This Accordion Scratcher Toy with Ball (Meow) Now

Dear Human Staff, You may purchase this for me  You’re welcome.  You may be wondering, “Does my cat really need another toy?” That was your first mistake.   I DON’T RECALL APPOINTING YOU Director of Feline Acquisitions.   Consider what’s in this for you: While I’m occupied, the dog may be permitted to walk down the hallway without first receiving my intimidating stare. I make no promises. The dog knows what he did.  The couch will receive a reprieve from my custom upholstery work. I’ve been contouring a shape more befitting my aesthetic, but apparently we have “different visions.”  AKA Knife Fingers, The Cat  PS lt is 4am I have decided due to the time of day and you looking so relaxed that without my soulful reminder I would perish.  You now have the privilege of getting up and checking my bowl.  Last time you got all snark, muttering about how I should look at the bowls and notice I have food prior to yelling.  I don’t need that energy messing up my day.